It's so, so easy to get caught up in the hype of followers, likes, retweets and so on with social media. This can be especially challenging when you're starting your business and want to gain attention.

In this post we'll dive into:

common social media questions that are missing the point
why social media validation is a problem
how to change the focus

using social media as validation in business and life

Common questions I hear about social media:

Should I buy followers? - NO. Absolutely not. These are usually fake accounts or people who have little to no interest in what you're doing. It's not worth it.
Should I delete a post if it doesn't get enough likes? - No. This is too much work. Learn from these posts and move on. Spend those few seconds thinking about why it didn't connect with your audience.
How can I find out who is unfollowing me? - There are apps and websites for this, but again, that's so much work. Does it really matter who unfollowed you? If you're playing the game where you follow every person who follows you, then I want you to stop right at the beginning. Follow people you genuinely connect with and are interested in. Let's not make this a numbers game.

While these questions may seem important, to me they signal that my client is focused on the quantity and not quality of their following.

It doesn't matter if you have 1 million followers if no one is signing up for your course, buying your ebook or enrolling in your coaching program.

There's also a deeper issue here with social media. We are using it to validate our worth, and when you tie this in with your business, it can become a major problem because it's such a huge part of your life.

Realize that those numbers are just feeding your ego + entering you into a dopamine rush cycle.

That small high you feel when you see the notifications on your phone is great, but don't lose focus on your intentions as a business owner (+ for life in general).

Social media is merely a tool to communicate with your audience and share helpful information. The likes can help you know if you're on the right track with content, but they should not be the determining factor in your success. Your success is based on how you want to feel + how you want your clients to feel.

Why is social media validation a problem?

"A University of Michigan study published in the Journal of Social Issues found that college students who base their own self-worth on external sources, like approval from others, reported more stress, anger, academic problems, relationship conflicts, drug and alcohol use, and symptoms of eating disorders. And a June 2014 survey from the statistics company StatPro found that 68% of people share information on social media to define their identities. The issue is rooted in a phenomenon psychologists refer to as "contingent self-worth."

"When you're waiting for someone else to confirm that what you're doing is cool, you're basing your opinion of yourself on their values, not your own. And the further you stray from your own center, the more unhappy and miserable you'll feel," explains Bryan Dik, PhD, a Denver-based vocational psychologist." -Generation Validation: Why Everyone Just Wants To Be Liked

Change the Focus of social media for business

So instead of focusing on likes, follows and tweets, focus on how YOU feel about your work + creativity, plus how you're making your current clients feel. What kind of testimonials and praise are they giving you? Does your work light you up?

If you nurture your current clients, I guarantee they will refer you to their friends and colleagues. That's the real cycle you want to get into.

And here's an interesting perspective I've been considering lately:

"We live much of our life pushed forward by the “if only” thoughts and yet the career/life dissatisfaction persists. Let’s not let the pursuit of happiness become the source of unhappiness. Let’s commit to caring about our work but not necessarily the result and chasing passion rather than popularity." - Dr. Danielle Dowling

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